Thoughts During the Ordeal

Below was provided from public posted sites:

In one of his online adventures, he had been trolling women as early as the day after we were married. This was a specific topic of discussion (online chatting or trolling women online) that we had agreed was a form of cheating. The amount of time he spent trolling women was phenomenal.  Every month, $600 from his pay would and could not be accounted for when helping with bills. After seeing the requests for money from these women and having heard him give money to a woman inside the house, I can only speculate or make probable uses of his money. This left the brunt of the financial burden to fall on me. 

Towards the end, he accused me of "stashing money." He began to discuss how he wanted access to my bank account (which I have on recording). I refused. My friends and one of his cautioned against giving him access. After discovering over $25,000 (give or take) of hidden and unpaid debt with mitigation and collection actions against him, there was no way that I was allowing him access to my money or finances. He was and probably still is a financial train wreck that has not filed taxes in over three years. He will financially drain anyone he latches onto. Buyer beware. It boils down to the fact that I was expected to assist him financially, but when I asked him to help me (after paying $1080 for trees to be cut), he began this argument and wanted us to move out. It was all about providing for his needs, and if his needs were not met, "just get the F out." He was a spoiled adult child that used people and when he did not get his way, he threw large-sized tantrums to go with his discontent. 

He would often twist the truth. I had paid house payments. I had paid utilities. I told him a month in advance that I was going to get the trees cut and that I was going to pay for the trees. I asked him to help pay the power bill a month in advance. He agreed, but he became mad when it was time to pay. He would overspend. Then, I was expected to fix his overspending habits.

What started off as a man that liked being seen as a good listener, turned into a man that used my secrets against me. I believe that knowing my secrets early on in dating was a way that he would be able to gain knowledge about me so that when he needed a vulnerability of that person to pull out in times like these, that is what he would do. Gain your trust and show compassion so you can tell your secrets. Then, in fits of rage, he would simply pull out whichever vulnerability you had to weapons against you to gain an advantage. Nothing was done out of kindness. If he was kind to you, there was an eventual motive behind it. Three women are mentioned to have been assaulted by this man. There is only one common denominator. I count myself as lucky, but my time was coming. The day he popped the locks on the doors to get to me, I honestly feared him. Please note that in the recordings, he says that his yelling, following me from the room, his insults, and rage, “You caused this.”

During this recording, he would bring up my son. My son was 18 at this time. He was in school to get his GED. He was dragged into the argument by mentioning that he did not pay bills. He expected my son to pay bills while going to class. He would not stay focused on the issue. I had spent thousands of dollars to get him caught up from getting behind before we started dating, and throughout the marriage, I would extend financial support. He refuses to acknowledge that when in rage. He would go so far as to deny the financial support that I gave and would tell me that it was rent or tell me that I thought I could live there for free. The day of this recording, I had grown tired of the constant screaming, blaming, twisted or half-truths. If I had a place to go, I would have left gladly. After he regained his senses, he began to be kind and try to reestablish the relationship. This was the cycle. When he referred to rent, he was actually referring to his desire for my son to pay him rent (as well) so that he could live there while going to class. As I have said, it was all about him.

Unfortunately, these are two of the many arguments with obscenities, badgering, and taunts. It would always turn into name-calling and following me from room to room until he was done. The name-calling does seep through. Even though your rational thought tells you that the insults are hurled to make you feel insignificant and worthless, YOU KNOW they are lies. Sometimes, the insults would break through. With time, I found myself depressed. My self-worth was plummeting.  I stayed in bed to avoid him. I stayed tense. I could not rest. I was exhausted. He was exhausting.

December 10, 2022- this started 2 weeks after getting married. This individual was relentless. In protest, I had to ask him to change his phone number.

I had asked this female not to contact him again via his phone. He denied knowing her, but she could tell me where he had previously worked, truck he drove, and brief history of why he was fired from tractor supply.

I would have made a better attempt at hiding her genitals, but upon further inspection, her gut did the job well.

His narcissism blinded him to the truth. To him, he would not have been cheating if he had not been caught. He had started this behavior as soon as the day after our wedding. This is only what is known after an inspection of his behavior. If I had not found this, it would still not be known how disgusting his manipulation and disrespect for our marriage indeed was. As you can see, he was asking for sex from a stranger, which, if followed through, could put both of our safety at risk, but he had total disregard for his or my safety.

Random Insights:

Completely off-topic, he attempted to sell my son's car without my consent as an example of his control, sense of entitlement, and lack of boundaries. After the interested buyer approached me, I explained that he should not have offered to sell the vehicle and that the car was for my son. It was not his to sell.

Throwing things out there, he envied more successful men. He drove by his boss's house, the boss's son's house and the sales guy's house (which he had disdained) to see each other's appearance. He took my car so he would not be recognized.

He disdainfully disliked the owner of a local lawn service company because of his success. We saw the individual at a local southern-style buffet during lunch. I spoke to the business owner with him at my side. I had noticed that he did not speak. After we walked past him in the parking lot, he stated, " I don't like that, MF. He thinks he is better than me."

The same thing happened with two other classmates who had come into leadership positions at the code enforcement level for the city. He had disdain for their success and cited the exact cause. He stated that his boss's son had overheard him at the register telling one of these individuals, "You can wait" to one of these individuals. He said that his boss agreed, which I highly doubt.

He would tell lies to his family members to rally them to grow resentful towards me. He did so often that during the holidays, he refused to tell me what time Thanksgiving dinner was (after several requests) and snuck out of bed in the morning to attend without me or my son. Christmas was a repeat of this. He came home with his gifts (none for my son nor me) and complained that his sleeves were too short.  The fact that he did not want either of us coming was evident by his great lengths to keep us uninformed and uninvolved. His coming home with no gifts only confirmed my suspicions that he had been poisoning their opinions' of my son and me.

The general theme is that he was child-like emotionally. When he didn't get his way, if his ego was not stroked, or if he wasn't placed as a priority (even before your own child), he would throw oversized tantrums. As a bratty, selfish child, he could not regulate his emotions. All of it was a nightmare. He was a glimpse of pure evil.

It is strange how it all comes together when you are removed from the constant brainwashing. Once removed, things begin to make sense. I continue to put the pieces together after being removed. Something can trigger a memory, and I find myself realizing that it was worse than I had thought. I find a memory returning out of the blue and discover the lies behind it. Learning and recognizing the lies and manipulation I had to endure is mind-blowing. I had a cathartic moment of how much I gave and how little I received in turn. My cup was starting to run dry. I continuously gave him money (paid bills or caught the bills backs up after he would not pay them). Each time he was reckless with his finances. We had to live in the shop twice because he had not paid the power bill. On the second occasion of living in the shop for a week, I took over payments for the power, water, trash disposal and after him ceasing to pay the internet while I was in college, I assumed the internet payments as well. That is what prompted me to take over more payments. I did not want it to happen again. Keeping up was more arduous with my financial responsibilities increasing as his decreased. The money that he did not have to spend on bills always disappeared without a trace. Towards the end, I took over the bills after he had agreed to continue to pay his truck payment and insurance. He had volunteered to pay me $ 450 weekly for all the household bills. I asked him to lower it to $350 per week. From March to July (20 weeks), he had only given me that agreed amount 8 times (see below). Towards the end, I carried that man. Due to his failure and mismanagement, I had gone through my savings to catch up on the delinquent house payments. So, when he suggested I give him full access to my bank account, I refused for good reason. This infuriated him. I still have that recording, as well. Also, I have the recording of him stating that he is a taxpayer and should have access to my finances, and he went further to state that he thought I was "stashing money". Hardy the case, I was hemorrhaging. I was picking up his slack and carrying a grown man. When he would go through his fits of fury, he would tell me that I was the cause of all his problems and that he was doing (financially) without me. He told himself this was just another lie, pushing on me to make me believe. He was full of anger. Nothing was ever his fault. He refused to see any wrongdoing, and I grew tired of it. I was exhausted by the outbursts of anger, lies, degrading remarks, all of it. He had taken a toll on me. I had done all I could do to help an emotionally drowning man as he was about to pull me under with him. I had done all I could do. 

The recording refers to a time when I had spent $1080 to have trees cut after debris had hit the roof and another large limb fell in the yard. I had asked for help with the power bill, which had doubled for that month. He had agreed before the payment date, but when it came down to it, he was infuriated that I had asked for his help. In the recording, that was what the argument was about. His reaction was in response to him having been asked to help! Keeping in mind that I had helped him countless times, his response to my request for help could be heard on the recording. That was August 23, 2023. This was not his first fit of rage. That was certainly not his last.

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We were conversing casually on a separate occasion while in the pool. He had been drinking. Randomly, he begins to tell me of a so-called rumor that a classmate from high school had said per him (the man that habitually lied). This person was a high school sweetheart who had passed away several years before. He and I had broken up in high school. The rumor that was told to me and about me was horrible. I know that this rumor had never been said, repeated, or started; however, my ex-husband began to tell me the hurtful story. He stated that he "beat that MF ass for saying that about you." I became quiet. Then, I quickly changed the subject. My ex was not done insulting me. He said, "That guy was a burden to humanity. Good thing he is dead." I was floored at this comment. The level of cruelty that this man had uttered was unfathomable, but he did not stop there. He brought up an individual I had been going with in middle school. He once again told me a rumor about me. I asked, "Who told you that? Because I want to confront them." His reply was, "Don't worry about it. He is dead." I sat quietly in the pool. He had gotten out by this time and was sitting at the outdoor table. He noticed I had become quiet and said, "That bothered you that bad? You should be thanking me because I beat that MF's @ss."

Do you see it now? Do you see the lengths this man would go to break my spirit? Do you see that anyone in the history of me that could be used to destroy my self-worth, he was willing to use anyone as a casualty even if it were people that were no longer with us. This man had no respect for me or reverence for those who had passed. I do not doubt that nothing was said of the sort. I completely understand that he made both stories up to hurt me. I was hurt. I was crushed. I was dumbfounded by the lengths he would go to to destroy and injure me, especially given the fact that I had tried so hard to make his life better. I was exhausted and miserable, and there was nothing I could do to change the amount of hate that he harbored. I did not deserve this. This was no longer a battle I would be able to win. This was not a simple case of two people not being compatible. This was a man who hid so much of who he was. He envied others' success. He hated himself, but he refused to acknowledge his self-hate. He projected his hate and anger onto my son and me. He knew my darkest secrets, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses and weaponized my insecurities and fears against me; however, he portrayed himself as the victim in his self-sabotaging behaviors. He acted like a spoiled child who screamed and pouted when he did not get his way. He made every attempt to perform his act of being a wonderful man. It was all a facade. Every bit of it was an act. Who he shows you he is versus who he was behind those closed doors is nothing short of opposite ends of the continuum, like night and day.

It took going through all of what I have said to make me sever and separate myself from the abuse endured. There is not a doubt in my mind that I gave all I could. For that, I have came to terms with all that I lost, but more importantly, I let go in time to gain so much more love than I could have ever imagined. I am grateful to have lost nearly everything to gain what I have now. I am truly blessed.

As of this day, I have made my peace with what happened and all I lost. I walk away in peace. I can breathe again.

Cash APP to him:

Mar 19, 2024: $300 to him

Mar 21: $150 to him for windshield wipers

Mar 24: $900 to hi for house payment

Mar 25: $2600 to pay back a loan to his boss for him 

Mar 28: $50 for drywall puddy

April 1: $90 for paint

April 4: $400 FROM him—this is when we begin with me taking over the bills. He had suggested $450. On his first payment, he withheld $50 from the agreed-upon $450/week.

April 11: $360 FROM him to me. This is when I changed from a weekly payment of $450 to $350.

April 12: I sent him $100

April 14: $200 to him for AC parts to buy at work

April 18: $350 received

April 26: $350 was received. He requested the money to buy a fan, but he did not. I asked for the money back, $116. He was mad.

May 2: No payment received.

May 9: No payment received. 

May 16: Received $350 FROM him.

May 23: No payment received.

May 29: Sent $20 to him.

May 30: No payment received.

June 6: Received $350.

June 13: No payment received.

June 17: Received $100.

June 27: Received $350.

July 3: Received $350.

July 11: Late payment, shorted the full amount, and received $240.

July 18: No payment.

July 19: He started an argument after he got home from work. He continued until I was forced to leave at approximately 1 or 2 A.M.. He repeatedly told me to "Get the Fxxx out." The story that was told was that I left him - victimhood.

His Hidden debt is not limited to what has been listed

He had stopped payments. This information was collected months before separation:

Women on TT requested money. 

Personal Loan: $ 20,308: Charged off and sent to collections

Credit Card: $2192; Stopped payment

Personal Loan for dog: $271; Stopped payment

Inquiries to One Main 2/28/23 and Pentagon Federal Credit Union 5/18/2022

LVNV: $230: 11/6/23: "Seriously past due or credit grantor's internal collection department": $230

Sam's card: $767: Stopped payment

Debt Recovery: $2501: 11/10/22: Stopped payments.

Child support (not hospital costs, found documentation supporting this)

There is still a possibility of more debt that he was hiding; hence, the purpose of hiding was for me to not find. He stated that he was not going to pay these debts. Paperwork for mitigation had been filed against him. I have a picture of how I found that paperwork in the door. 

Timeline (screenshots Nov 2023 to July 2024):

On December 26, 2023, I had texted him that I was going to my parent's house. I needed time to think about everything that had happened between the holidays and the hiding of nonpayment of bills. He had texted me stating that he had no idea where I was (not true). I have a recording of him stating that he saw my car at my parent's house after driving by in the work truck and had texted him where I was. This was more of his victim nonsense. By February 28, 2024, he had asked me to return. I did in a last ditch effort to salvage the marriage. By July 19, 2024, after hours of him berating me, I finally gave up after hearing him telling me to "get the fxxx out" for the last time. The events that unfolded that day was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had resigned to the fact that there was nothing more I could do. Immediately after we separated, he began his smear campaign, began talking to another woman, and brought a different woman (other than the woman he had been talking to) in the house, and I could hear it all. After learning all this, I knew I had made the right choice. There was no turning back now.